* “Yes” = No
* “No” = Yes
* “Maybe” = No
* “I’m sorry” = You’ll be sorry
* “We need” = I want
* “It’s your decision” = The correct decision should be obvious by now
* “Do what you want” = You’ll pay for this later
* “We need to talk” = I need to complain
* “Sure go ahead” = I don’t want you to
* “I’m not upset” = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
* “You’re so manly” = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* “Be romantic, turn out the lights” = I have flabby thighs
* “This kitchen is so inconvenient” = I want a new house
* “I want new curtains” = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
* “I heard a noise” = I noticed you were almost asleep
* “Do you love me?” = I’m going to ask for something expensive
* “I’ll be ready in a minute” = Just going to wash my hair
* “You have to learn to communicate” = Just agree with me
* “Are you listening to me!?” = Too late, you’re dead
* “How much do you love me?” = I did something you’re going to hate





